Torquay United 1 – 0 Albion

by
Looks like hes enjoying the match at least

Looks like he's enjoying the match at least

Torquay. I’ve never been, but whenever I hear that word “Torquay” I always think of one immortal (and fictional) denizen of the little seaside resort, Basil Fawlty. I’ve had a few ales tonight before listening to this game – my best buddy is leaving Afghanistan after 3 years and we gave him a BBQ send-off. But enough of that, the Albion are playing Torquay United in a pre-season friendly, what’s more important?

The new Seagulls World site isn’t working, I’m on the old one listening to the Torquay tannoy, what is going on? They are so amateurish. It’s gone – no commentary, just about got the starting 11. Fook me. Back on.

Starting 11 look like the strongest Slade could’ve put together. Jake Wright the Crawley player getting a run out at left back, still the problem position for us, very interesting, we’ll see. He’s made a steady start. Forster and Spiller look sharp too. On 15mins Virgo and Elphick in a muddle, Virgo clears, Jake Wright looking composed.

Torquay attack and Kuipers makes good save, is Dickinson on the pitch? All Torquay, Jesus! Kuipers saves us again. Lacklustre, pre-season bores. I should have stayed and got minging at the BBQ. Dicko gets a touch on 30 mins! Fooking hell 1-0 to Torquay, took us apart and a tap-in (40 mins). Forster shoots and misses. Woeful. H/T.

No changes at H/T mmm – are we looking at our starting 11 for Walsall August 8th? Crofts scores!!! No, offside? Not given. Shite. Slade has ripped each of them a new arsehole, obviously. Mark Wright shoots! saved! Different side so far this half. Even Dicko looks interested. Mass substitution on 60 mins. Craig Davies injured, trying to run it off.

El Abd on for Whing on 70 mins. Jake Wright now centre back and  still playing well, the non-league man is leading the way. Smith now makes a good save, both our keepers are on top of their game, they look like they need to be for this season. Albion running out of steam, weaker players on IMHO. Davies getting booked for gobbing off, hang on – HE’S BEEN SENT OFF. Torquay’s man sees yellow, eh? Pants. Could be a three game ban now.

Navarro flicks on, Tunnicliffe heads – saved! Forster has an ice-pack on his dodgy knee, not looking good. Dicko and Murray up front for Walsall? Torquay finishing strong, three back to back chances. Blow it up ref, Jesus!

It’s over, rotten game. Nighty night

Xenophon’s Albion Team Performance : 3 out of 10

Xenophon’s Albion Man of the Match : Jake Wright

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers (Smith 60) ; Whing (El Abd 70), Elphick (Chronis 60), Virgo (Tunnicliffe 75), J Wright ; M Wright (Navarro 60), Spiller (Thornhill 60), Crofts (Dicker 60), Cox (J Smith 75); Forster (Murray 60), Dickinson (Davies 60);

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