Posts Tagged ‘Manchester United’

Will he? Won’t he? Episode 2375

May 18, 2012

Even I’m getting bored with this crap now. He keeps saying he won’t play in the Championship, but he might not have that choice come the end of the close season if one of the Premier League also-rans hasn’t picked him up. The bookies aren’t buying his “No Championship” line, or they weren’t last night. If the right money was offered I reckon he’d be all over it and on his way to Falmer. But I’m not sure if he’d be any use to be honest, his injury proneness has got worse during his spell at Man United.

This one will run for a while either way, and will keep us checking the internet for news, at least until Euro 2012 kicks off anyway.


The Great Michael Owen Mystery

January 23, 2012

Coming to Brighton?

It’s right up there alongside Death On The Nile, Murder On The Orient Express, and other mysteries. Is Michael Owen coming to Falmer? Rumours have been rife before regarding the one-time England wonderkid, but this time it feels different.

I was tipped off by an aquaintance who’s MUFC yesterday, now it’s all over the news today and even on the back page of The Scum tomorrow (Apologies for even mentioning that particular bumwiper here, but them covering it just shows how much this story is growing).

Could he do a job? Fuck knows, but it would bring a lot of publicity down to Sussex, and might lighten the mood after Vicente has turned out to be permanently missing in action. Of course, having TWO supremely gifted but aging crocks sat in the stands isn’t what anyone wants.

But before all that, let’s just see if it turns out to be true, or more pie in the sky, like it was last summer.

Book review: Perry Boys

April 6, 2010

Mouthy Mancs on the March

Perry Boys : By Ian Hough

First Published : 2007

ISBN 978 1 903854 65 5

Score out of 5 :

It would be easy to dismiss this book as the shrill boasting of your typical mouthy Manc, his big head gorged on the ridiculous success and ubiquity of the behemothic commercial enterprise that is Manchester United Football Club. And on this level you would be 100% correct. But there’s a lot more to this book than that, just let me get the negatives out of the way first.

The very essence of being cool is not having to tell people that you are, in fact, very cool. Unfortunately Ian Hough reminds his reader of how cool he, his fellow Perries, and Manchester (“the best city”) especially, are. In fact he reminds us on every other page. He boasts so much about it he actually begins to sound more like the mythically one-dimensional “arrogant cockney c*nts” he so obviously despises.

But what really got my goat was his placing of the Manchester casuals at the forefront of the genesis of “the Nameless Thing” alongside the late 70’s scousers, the latter being – pre-Hough – universally recognised as the originals by general consensus. I haven’t got a problem with Hough moving the Manc Perries back in time and in size of numbers, if that massages his ego. I do have a problem with him rejecting the rest of the island, telling us they are “divvies” who only caught onto the casual craze in 1983 when the Mancs and scousers became “bored” with the scene and moved on. Evidence suggests otherwise – look at the pictures of the young tearaways on the terraces of Fratton Park in “Rolling With The 6.57 Crew” for instance (supposedly a bastion of southern counties divvies, according to Hough), these boys were in Pringles and trainers in 1980!

It may be a question of numbers, maybe the north west did have a larger contingent of lads versus cavemen, but to say it was exclusive to that area needs to be seen without the red-tainted glasses Ian Hough uses. I had a sneaking suspicion throughout that the author had his tongue firmly in his cheek when he wrote these bits, and possibly the whole book shouldn’t be taken so seriously, but with oodles of heaped up salt instead.

With that caveat dealt with, what about the rest of the book? Hough is an intelligent, quirky writer. His stream of consciousness style reminded me of the Gonzo narrative of the late, great Hunter S, or even Michael Herr. For that reason alone this book scores 4 stars (or Casses). I enjoyed his spiel, his cross-referencing Darwinism, molecular biology etc, is a welcome remove from the standard “train-pub-tear up” hoolie memoir. The best bits of the book are when he describes the Manchester of his youth, you can almost smell the sooty, damp streets of Salford. Likewise his tales of travelling and high jinks in such places as the US, Oz and Israel. It’s when he goes into bragging mode that the book loses focus.

All in all, it’s a decent stab at describing the Manchester section of the early casual movement, I enjoyed it immensely and read it in a couple of days. If you’re a cockney you’ll have to bite your lip when reading this, but it’s only banter, even if it is laid on a bit thickly.

Aston Villa 3 – 2 Albion

January 24, 2010

Hercules the Lion offers out the Albion shirts for proper a toe-to-toe

I’m writing this with a major hangover. What a day out! It had everything, trains, banter, booze, freezing January weather and not a bad little football game in the middle of it all. A cracking game in fact.

Me and the missus caught the 0919hrs out of Brighton, and it was already chock-full of Seagulls on their way to Villa. I got my first ale down me at 9:30am and never looked back. The Virgin train out of Euston was probably 80% full of Albion supporters, and more ale and banter was to be had, all good fun and good-natured.

Two cans of Heineken, two Smirnoff tonics and two ham sandwichs cost £18.10 in the buffet! But even that robbing bastard Branson’s prices couldn’t dampen our spirits. This was our big day, and we were well up for it.

Getting a swally in a pub near the ground and around Witton was impossible, the pub set aside for Albion supporters was already applying a one-in-one-out entry scheme when we arrived. There was a queue of about 100 waiting outside as we rocked up gagging for a pint. The off sales next door was emptying fast and the Asian shopkeeper was trying hard not to burst out singing and dancing.

After downing the last of our booze it was into the Doug Ellis Lower for the game. 8000 Albion balloons were released as the boys walked out beside a Villa team unrecognisable from the one that trots out against Man U and Arsenal, but watching the Albion come out on the big screen filled my heart with pride and the roar was deafening from both our section of the ground and the North Stand Upper. Villa fans were scratching their heads at this point – “Who are these headbangers who follow such a gash team?” more than a few Brummies around the ground were probably thinking. Fair play to them though – most of the ground was full, but for a tenner why not come along and watch their Premiershit big shots hammer the south coast minnows?

We played well, the Holte End didn’t start singing until they went 3-1 up. Tommy Elphick’s goal just before half-time had us in rapture – all I wanted from the day was one Albion goal to cheer, and I had just got it, but more was to come. At half-time I thought we were going to be good enough for a draw. The Villa Park refreshments are ok, but I especially recommend their curry and chips, fucking lovely. The home team scored on 48mins and that sinking feeling settled in my gut, we had had our big moment. When they opened us up like a can of beans and went 3-1 up their hitherto half-asleep fans started the Wembley singing, and I have to admit, when the Holte End opens up it makes some noise.

Just as the game was dying good old Nicky Forster scored his 15th goal this season, the ball was retreived and we went for them. Some Villa fans stopped their progress out of the ground to watch the dying moments as we pressured their goal – could we do it? The noise from both Albion sections was deafening, but it was not to be. Our best players in my opinion were: Adam Virgo – man of the match, he has regained some of the fire that was always in him, an immense display. Glenn Murray had an excellent game, as did the much maligned Alan Navarro. Michel Kuipers pulled out some incredible saves, and Tommy Elphick played out of his skin too.

On the train home I got shitfaced, and fell asleep on the living room floor when I got home! I think I’m still jet-lagged as my missus couldn’t wake me up. But it was worth it, every single minute of it. Thank you Gus and the team, a fantastic day. Nice one.

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 8 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Adam Virgo

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers; Calderon, Elphick, Virgo, McNulty; Bennett (Dickinson 64), Crofts, Navarro (Cox 73), Dicker (Carole 64); Murray, Forster

(Subs) Brezovan, Hoyte, Carole, Tunnicliffe, Cox, Hart, Dickinson


Exeter 0 – 1 Albion

December 5, 2009

Three points today, make it so.

A late,  late winner (90+2) from Captain Crofts gave us a very welcome and unexpected win yesterday. I missed the whole game through work and picked up the scoreline on the BBC’s World Service with James Alexander Gordon (De-dum-de-dum-de-deedle-de-dum-de-deedle-dum-dee-dee…etc). This was after the BBC matchday reporter had called it 0-0 after commentating on Manure v Wet Sham. The World Service always cuts away straight after the featured Premiershit match to the news and various other shite, so I had settled for the draw. Deep joy when JAG announced the final result later on!

So, we finally keep a clean sheet, and away at Exeter where it’s hard to get anything. Peter Brezovan seems to have made a great debut between the sticks for us. Three precious points away help our relegation woes more than a little, but that “…Exeter 0” on the radio means a lot more than it should this season, and is a lot more significant than us sneaking a late goal at the other end. More next week please Señor Poyet.

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Brezovan; Hoyte, Tunnicliffe, Elphick, El-Abd; Bennett, Dicker (McNulty 87), Crofts, Navarro; Forster (Cox 90+4), Murray (Dickinson 63)

Subs: Pelling, Whing, McNulty, Cox, Dickinson, Virgo, J Smith

League One table

Sunday, 6 December 2009 00:00 UK

Position Team P GD PTS
Full League One table
1 Leeds United 19 27 46
2 Charlton 20 18 42
3 Norwich 20 18 38
4 Colchester 20 15 36
5 Huddersfield 20 19 32
6 Swindon 18 2 31
7 Bristol Rovers 20 -3 31
8 Walsall 20 4 30
9 MK Dons 20 -2 30
10 Millwall 20 6 29
11 Hartlepool 20 1 26
12 Carlisle 20 -3 24
13 Yeovil 20 -4 23
14 Southend 20 -4 23
15 Southampton 20 10 22
16 Gillingham 20 -5 22
17 Exeter 20 -6 22
18 Brentford 20 -6 22
19 Leyton Orient 20 -11 22
20 Oldham 20 -10 21
21 Brighton 20 -14 20
22 Wycombe 20 -13 17
23 Tranmere 20 -21 17
24 Stockport 19 -18 14

Swansea 3 – 0 Albion

August 11, 2009

Tonights match sponsor

Tonight's match sponsor

The Carling Cup, brought to you by Walt Disney Productions. Sorry, but I’m not a cup man, I’m all league football. Ever since Manure decided they were too good to play in the hitherto prestigious flagship of British Football – the FA Cup – I’ve even less interest in cup games. The Carling Cup is about as exciting as one of Alex Ferguson’s slagfest press conferences. Now, if the Seagulls were to get within spitting distance of Wembley, I might get mildly enthused, but it’s the grind and struggle of the football league that really floats my dolphin.

That said, Brighton & Hove Albion are playing a competitive football match tonight, so I’m listening in on Seagulls Player, as duty must. It is another chance for this new team to get to know each other after all.

Finally get Seagulls Player online 8 minutes into the game. Albion playing Forster/Dickinson up front, 4-4-2. Worked better on saturday, not so good against Scunny in pre-season. 1-0 to Swansea after Jake Wright gets booked and the Swans score from the dead ball. Mark Wright dropped, strange decision. Still no Gary Dicker in midfield. Seagulls Player commentary goes off and now two Welsh twats are on there for Swansea. They’ve gone again, boyo.

Swans miss an open goal. Seagulls Player is absolute fooking wank, a waste of my fooking hard earned money. I’m just about to launch my laptop off the balcony. It won’t stay on for more than 2 minutes at a time. Oh great back on just in time for half bastard time.

Jake Wright taken off after a ‘mare marking Nathan Dyer, Whing moving to left back and El-Abd on at right back. Mark Wright on for Crofts. Once again Virgo and Elphick playing well at the back. Kuipers makes another sensational save after a short period of Albion pressure. 2-0 straightaway, Swansea are taking us apart on the break. I reckon we put this one to bed.

Murray on for Dicko on 65 minutes, still frustrating times for the big ex-Derby hitman. Nothing happening for us. Dead in the water. Swansea deliver the coup de grace in injury time, 3-0.

It wasn’t to be tonight, Swansea are a far better football team, get this Carling Cup nonsense out of the way, we all had a night versus Man City a wee while ago, big deal, Football League One is where it’s at. Bring on the Bees on Saturday. That is all.

Xenophon’s Albion Team Performance : 5 out of 10

Xenophon’s Albion Man of the Match : Tommy Elphick

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers; Whing, Elphick, Virgo, J Wright (El-Abd 45) ; Thornhill, Navarro, Crofts (M Wright 45), Cox ; Dickinson (Murray 65), Forster