Albion 2 – 2 Bristol Rovers

Withdean gets the 'ToyCam' treatment on my phone camera, like it

A frustrating afternoon today, I expected the team to give me a nice birthday present: three easy points. I think the much heralded ‘wobble’ in our form is definitely here, not the best timing with the scummers, Colchester then Huddersfield away up next.

First half we were crap, and Rovers deserved the lead. Second half saw things improve somewhat, but old (bad) habits are starting to creep back into our play. Casper Ankergren made a couple of top notch saves, but he flapped all afternoon in the box at high balls. Our defence was shaky, and the passing along the back was pretty dire. Rovers’ two goals were from corners – that shouldn’t be happening, and the second was plain fucking awful, how an own goal came from among 3-4 unharried Albion players is beyond me. Two valuable points needlessly dropped against a shit team.

Best players were Calderon and Gary Dicker. New boy Chris Wood did ok, but didn’t get great service, his penalty was excellent, but how we miss LuaLua. I don’t like slagging our players off, but Augustin Battipiedi was awful today, Jamie Smith should get a start before him next time. I’m giving man of the match to Calderon as Dicker made one or two poor passes later on. Not great, but I think we’ll be well up for Tuesday night at St. Mary’s, anything but our best performance there will be severely punished by a rampant Southampton team.

The Hovian’s Team performance :  6 out 10

The Hovian’s Man of the Match : Inigo Calderon

Attendance : 7407 (268 gas bags)

Npower League One table

Saturday, 20 November 2010 17:11 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full Npower League One table
1	Brighton	17	17	35
2	Charlton	17	7	31
3	Colchester	17	4	29
4	Bournemouth	17	14	27
5	Sheff Wed	17	11	27
6	Southampton	17	10	27
7	Oldham	16	6	27
8	Carlisle	17	8	26
9	Huddersfield	17	6	26
10	MK Dons	17	-2	26
11	Peterborough	17	-3	25
12	Exeter	17	-4	25
13	Brentford	17	-2	22
14	Tranmere	17	-6	22
15	Swindon	17	-3	21
16	Bristol R	17	-7	21
17	Rochdale	16	2	20
18	Leyton Orient	17	0	20
19	Hartlepool	16	-5	20
20	Plymouth	17	-7	19
21	Notts County	16	-8	16
22	Dag & Red	17	-12	15
23	Yeovil	17	-14	15
24	Walsall	17	-12	14

Shock!…..not

Yeah, right, I see, from the Argus

 

Albion 1 – 0 Yeovil

Gus Poyet - the best entertainment value at Withdean

Gone, finished, it all ended in a bit of a damp squib, in an equally damp and morbid Withdean Stadium – only one more season of this snoozefest. I’m nursing the obligatory Sunday headache, but the rot set in the minute I crawled out of my pit yesterday morning to go drinking then watch this nothing doing game.

I sat, for the very last time mind you, in with the gentlefolk of E Block, best view = quietest fans. Notwithstanding the meaningless nature of the game itself, it was the last chance to enjoy the “atmosphere” until the 2010/11 season. I fully expected the old girls sat near me to crack open the knitting, oblivious as they were to the fact a competitive association football match was unfolding but 50 metres from their plastic seats.  My season ticketed seat for that last seasonal hurrah at the Theatre of Trees is firmly ensconced in the bosom of Block H. I’ll take my chances among the celery (two kids were thrown out yesterday for lobbing said veggie missiles) and inflatable beach balls.

For those who are interested in such things – not me really – I give the new kit 4 out of 10, I simply don’t like it, it’s not the right thickness of stripe between blue and white, which should be 50/50, not 80/20.

The match – snappy passing, looks great, but it had the feeling of a training match about it. Yeovil never really turned up, and fittingly I was third in the queue for a burger and chips when Elliott Bennett rattled the opposition net. Good lad Ell.

Mitchell Walker was excellent in our goal, and alongside Brezovan next year, should make the job of regularly defending the Albion goal his without too much worry. Chris Holroyd had a good game, but he still needs to score (and of course won’t now) occasionally to convince most people.

Andrew Crofts was man of the match for me, a skipperly performance from a consummate professional. The rest were ok. But I write this angry in a way, yet looking forward even more next year to our clashes with shitty-arsed Alan Pardew and his tainted Saints. Inigo Calderon has repayed the mightily kind favour extended to him by Gus Poyet by refusing a deal for next year, opting instead to talk to the scummers up the coast. So long then, I hope we boot lumps out of you next year, you ungrateful little shit. But the plus side folks – ever present remember – is we have more reason to hate Pardew and his bunch of twats next season. Football lives and breathes this shit, so it’s good in a way too.

Last night I took the other half to the end of season party hosted by The Seagull Love Review team, at a city centre pub. A noisy night was had by all (cheers S & S), and it was good to meet the faces behind the pens of BHAFC’s only current fanzine. Me and my good mucker “Sergei’s Celebration” off NSC had our other halves (or dates) with us, so around midnight we headed off to find a quieter venue down East Street (impossible really, but we were well shanted).

Sergei is convinced young Lewis Dunk is following him around Brighton and Hove every Saturday night. We entered a rather insalubrious “meat market” kind of hostelry for a few knockbacks when we bumped into young Lew at the bar – one week after drinking beside him in my local on the Hove/Brighton border. Chris Holroyd was with him, and both of them were in clothing that would embarass even the most flamboyant of funboys – anecdotal evidence, if ever it was needed, that footballers throughout the ages are consistently the worst dressed men in society. That theory was compounded when outside later we saw a “tired and emotional” Lee Hendrie dressed in what can only be called a ladies silk scarf. Jesus Wept.

So that is the final chapter in the story of the 2010/11 season, I will put up my awards next week – best player etc. Next is the World Cup, which this site won’t be following – strictly BHA folks. After that there is the pre-season erm, season, when I shall be endeavouring to visit Portugal to watch the team and get shitfaced at every opportunity. Stay tuned – there will still be updates from football literature, casual-ology, and any events that affect the club in the close season. Cheers.

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 7 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Andrew Crofts

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold)

(4-5-1) Walker; Painter, El-Abd, Elphick, Hoyte; Bennett, Crofts (Dicker 88), Hendrie, Navarro, Carole (Barnes76); Holroyd (Caskey 76).

Subs: Brezovan, McNulty, Dunk, Barnes, Caskey, Dicker,  Hart.

Attendance: 7323 (366 Yeovil)

League One table

Sunday, 9 May 2010 00:00 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full League One table
1	Norwich	46	42	95
2	Leeds United	46	33	86
3	Millwall	46	32	85
4	Charlton	46	23	84
5	Swindon	46	16	82
6	Huddersfield	46	26	80
7	Southampton	46	38	73
8	Colchester	46	12	72
9	Brentford	46	3	62
10	Walsall	46	-3	62
11	Bristol Rovers	46	-11	62
12	MK Dons	46	-8	60
13	Brighton	46	-4	59
14	Carlisle	46	-3	58
15	Yeovil	46	-4	53
16	Hartlepool	46	-8	53
17	Oldham	46	-18	52
18	Leyton Orient	46	-10	51
19	Exeter	46	-12	51
20	Tranmere	46	-27	51
21	Gillingham	46	-16	50
22	Wycombe	46	-20	45
23	Southend	46	-21	43
24	Stockport	46	-60	25

Albion 3 – 0 Brentford

A man with impeccable bellend credentials - Brentford celebrity fan Dean Gaffney

The winds of change are blowing around BN1, the eggy whiff of relegation has been replaced with the fresh mountain breeze of hope. It didn’t start like that yesterday though. As I headed into town at 5pm a strange eery fog was drifting off the Channel and up the streets of Hove. I made my way along Kings Road fully expecting to be set upon by ghoulish seafarers straight out of John Carpenter’s 1980 classic “The Fog”. Instead I had a couple of shants in The Smugglers, and an Albion Kebab before heading to Withers as the mist lifted.

But, enough of that shite, what about the game then? A scoreline like this has been coming for some time. Coming as it did against Brentford made it even better. I sat in Block E with my two season ticket holding chums, forsaking the barmies in H just for one game. It worked, Albion were awesome last night.

Apart from a 15 minute spell straight after half-time, the visitors were awful. They were as awful as we were good. We started slowly, but rather ironically, as soon as our best player went off injured, we fired up and demolished the Bees. Kazenga LuaLua is without doubt our most gifted player, but Chris Holroyd did a fine job replacing him until he too went off injured, and it rubbed off on Murray, who looked very happy to have another forward to play off.

Once more we looked solid at the back, battled and created in midfield, and gave them major headaches up front – as it should be. It was good to see Murray break his home duck, Virgo back on the park and scoring (although it looked more like an OG by their hapless keeper), and that man Nicky Forster getting on and netting a lastminute.com penalty for his 16th goal of the season. It’s all good.

Andrew Crofts was fired up and played a screamer in midfield, he’s probably our fittest player, “The Machine”. But, one player more than everyone else last night epitomised the new spirit and flair of this Gus Poyet team – Inigo Calderon. What a find this guy is, it will be criminal if he’s not offered a juicy new contract in the summer, man of the match again.

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 9 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Inigo Calderon

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-5-1) Brezovan; Calderon, Elphick, El-Abd, Painter; Bennett, Dicker, Crofts, Navarro (Virgo 89), LuaLua (Holroyd 20 (Forster 83)); Murray

(Subs) Walker, Forster, McNulty, Carole, Hoyte, Hart, Holroyd

Attendance: 5579 (371 Brentford)

League One table

Wednesday, 17 March 2010 00:00 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full League One table
1	Norwich	36	39	78
2	Leeds United	36	32	71
3	Charlton	36	19	66
4	Swindon	36	12	66
5	Millwall	36	21	65
6	Colchester	35	16	63
7	Huddersfield	36	16	58
8	MK Dons	36	2	56
9	Bristol Rovers	35	-3	52
10	Southampton	35	25	47
11	Carlisle	37	-3	47
12	Yeovil	37	-3	44
13	Walsall	35	-4	44
14	Leyton Orient	36	-7	41
15	Brighton	36	-9	41
16	Brentford	33	-3	40
17	Oldham	35	-11	40
18	Hartlepool	35	-11	38
19	Gillingham	36	-11	38
20	Tranmere	35	-25	37
21	Exeter	35	-15	33
22	Southend	35	-16	33
23	Wycombe	36	-25	30
24	Stockport	36	-36	24

Colchester 0 – 0 Albion

"HOOF!"

Colchester. Grim garrison town stuck on the arsehole end of Essex, which itself is at the grim arsehole end of London. The army even send their prisoners there for fuck’s sake. Never a place that would exite most footballing minds, and last night was no different.

When the train pulled in (over more like) I was off for a swift couple of shants before having to catch the shuttle bus (sexy stuff) to the excruciatingly badly named Weston Homes Community Stadium. I spread four pints over the Norfolk, the nearest pub to the station, where the 20 stone off duty barmaid was complaining about “Fucking Irish pikeys” to a couple of old soaks. Then I headed to the next roundabout and the inevitable Beefeater which was called the Albert, or Dilbert or something, and was empty.

At 6:30pm I joined all the Colchester shirters on a shuttle bus, they looked like they were off to work on a particularly wet Monday morning, the miserable bastards. When I eventually got into the Brighton end for a rubber burger I was seriously contemplating ending it all, such was the loss of the will to live shuffling about a breeze block maze under the equally bland stand in sub zero temperatures. Shurely the football match would lift my spirits and stop me thinking about the train journey home that night?

Yes, and no. It’s obvious that Gus Poyet is building a footballing team – i.e. his team try to play it on the deck from the back to the front – and if it doesn’t always come off it still makes for a better spectacle. He’s got our midfield playing their socks off and people like Alan Navarro coming out of their shell and looking like the skillful, thoughtful players they always were. Colchester United by contrast  haven’t got a midfield, apart from a spoiling and fouling one that is. Their game plan is to hoof the ball from the two giant knuckle-draggers at the back to the two identical big beasts up front. Their short-arses in the middle of the park are there to pick the scraps up and kick people. It was like watching Wimbledon’s Crazy Gang without the undoubted skill and accompanying humour. It was also fucking tedious.

If that’s how the “U’s” (translate as “Hoofs”) are headed for the play-offs or better, then League One football is in a worse way than I expected. Our players tried their best, we were far better, but we couldn’t get around the kicking, the interplanetary clearances and the mortar fire into our box (no doubt they are influenced by the army garrison being there, but when our keeper is 6’4″ with sticky fingers it’s a waste of energy). Our small accompanyment of travelling Albion barmies were good value (in a stadium with only 3,900 souls in it – it was on Sky after all). The Muppets’ “manah manah” song, substituted with “LuaLua” kept us all amused and Colchester’s stewards bemused. But soon all you could hear from our end was “HOOF!”, as each Colchester player in turn did just that. Even renditions of “Good Old Sussex By The Sea” and “We Are Brighton” just ended up as “HOOOOOOOOOOOF!”. The one guy screaming “Fucking MULLET!” every time Colchester’s sub (who sported a fine example of the haircut of the gods) hoofed the ball had me laughing out loud. Good effort all round from the barmies.

Our best players? Murray for being a pest, winning good free kicks against their back four gorillas (stop diving though Glenn, looks shite and you’ll get red carded soon). Midfield as a unit ran them ragged when the odd mortar dropped short around the centre circle. Tommy Elphick was magnificent in defence, and nearly won my Man of the Match. But, and he’s been threatening to win it for the last few games, last night our brightest player was – Inigo Calderon, and he wins the dubious honour from this blog.

I got the bus back to town just before 10pm, and there was a bit of argy bargy with a couple of Colchester scarfers who would have been better off throwing themselves under the bus than picking on a little old Albion fan boozed up and trying to banter with them. They didn’t offer him out until he was halfway down the now parked bus, but they have something to tell the rest of the girls at school today. Bless.

The choo-choo didn’t get into Brighton until 1:30am, and some drunken Japanese nutter was singing opera behind me the whole way from East Croydon. I was too tired to contemplate the weird day I’d just experienced, and was fast asleep by 2am. Don’t make me go back there next season, hoof your way out of this league please Colchester, you’re crap.

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 7 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Inigo Calderon

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-5-1) Brezovan; Calderon, Elphick, El-Abd, Painter; Bennett, Dicker, Crofts, Navarro, LuaLua (Holroyd); Murray

(Subs) , Forster, McNulty, Carole, Hoyte, Hart, Holroyd

Attendance: 3914

League One table

Tuesday, 9 March 2010 00:00 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full League One table
1	Norwich	35	37	75
2	Leeds United	34	30	68
3	Charlton	35	23	66
4	Colchester	34	17	63
5	Swindon	33	11	60
6	Millwall	34	15	59
7	Huddersfield	35	18	58
8	MK Dons	34	1	52
9	Bristol Rovers	34	-3	51
10	Southampton	33	25	44
11	Walsall	34	-2	44
12	Carlisle	34	-3	41
13	Yeovil	35	-6	41
14	Brentford	31	0	39
15	Hartlepool	34	-7	38
16	Leyton Orient	34	-7	38
17	Brighton	34	-11	38
18	Gillingham	35	-11	37
19	Tranmere	33	-22	36
20	Oldham	32	-14	33
21	Exeter	34	-15	32
22	Southend	34	-16	32
23	Wycombe	35	-25	29
24	Stockport	34	-35	23

Charlton 1 – 2 Albion

Oh Withdean, to have a view like this every game

This is the best game I’ve seen Albion play this season, it trumps even the Scummers away. That Charlton even scored flatters them somewhat, they couldn’t get the ball off us for the best part of 94 minutes.

A drizzle and mist sodden Valley didn’t bode well for what was to come, nor did the heavy weather-beaten pitch. But it was nice to get so close to the action after years of squinting out over Withers, and I think our proximity to the South Stand goal raised the noise level of the away supporters, it was fucking loud where I was anyway.

I’ll go through the team’s performance in order of ascending merit. El-Abd defended well, but his distribution was poor (hoof-o-matic) 6 out of 10. Forster did ok as lone striker, but he doesn’t do it as well as Murray (who is out sick), or Holroyd. Fozzy scores 6.

Elphick and Painter were steady enough, both score 7. Gary Dicker had a good game, but in an all-star midfield he didn’t shine as much as the others, 7.

Now the 8’s. Brezovan surely deserves a run in the team after last night? My only gripes, and the first is easily mended, is that he slices his big clearances to the right. He was also at fault for their goal (which came in the FOURTH minute of the three added at the end), but he gives me more confidence than Kuipers at present. Crofts was as good as ever, but again outshone by his wingers, 8 for him.

Kazenga LuaLua is something else, when he gets the ball the crowd’s expectation rises, he simply turns defenders inside out. Not 100% match fit, but his 71 minutes last night beats most players over three games, 9 out of 10. Alan Navarro – how much has this lad turned his season round? He is the lynchpin of this team, outstanding all over the park and becoming this blog’s cult hero, 9.

It was a hard, hard choice for my man of the match. Inigo Calderon finished the game our muddiest player, and when I played the game the grottiest team mate was the one getting stuck in the most. Our main threat was down the right, and it all started with our resident Spaniard. I love the way he is in constant communication with Poyet on the pitch, he’s always thinking and his effort was only matched by Navarro. His deflected goal was a bit lucky, but his charge upfield, followed by a correction after he lost control deserved a goal, pure flair.

But my man of the match goes to Bennett. He was all over Charlton last night, and his goal rounded off his best performance by far in the stripes – 9. Both subs did their jobs well, with Holroyd in particular, 7 each.

So, we headed back through the damp police horse shit to Charlton station realising we had watched something special, the faces around me were beaming. Our team played the fancied Charlton off their own pitch with superb one touch football and top drawer finishing. As I said, this was a special night, I wish we could play at the Valley every week!

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 9 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Elliott Bennett

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-5-1) Brezovan; Calderon, Elphick, El-Abd, Painter; Bennett, Dicker, Crofts, Navarro, LuaLua (Hart 71); Forster (Holroyd 57)

(Subs) Kuipers, El-Abd, Cook, Carole, Hoyte, Hart, Holroyd

Attendance: 17508

League One table

Wednesday, 24 February 2010 00:00 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full League One table
1	Norwich	33	33	69
2	Leeds United	32	30	66
3	Colchester	32	18	62
4	Charlton	33	20	60
5	Swindon	31	15	59
6	Huddersfield	32	25	57
7	Millwall	32	14	55
8	MK Dons	32	1	49
9	Walsall	32	2	43
10	Bristol Rovers	31	-9	42
11	Southampton	30	17	38
12	Brentford	30	0	38
13	Yeovil	33	-4	38
14	Carlisle	32	-5	37
15	Leyton Orient	32	-6	37
16	Hartlepool	32	-9	35
17	Gillingham	33	-11	34
18	Brighton	32	-13	34
19	Tranmere	32	-23	33
20	Southend	32	-12	32
21	Oldham	30	-13	32
22	Exeter	32	-13	31
23	Wycombe	33	-24	28
24	Stockport	31	-33	20

Albion 0 – 1 Millwall

The ultimate celebrity bellend fan, Millwall's Danny "I ate the" Baker

“Fortress Withdean”. Remember that? The days of players like Bobby Zamora and the back to back League title winning teams? Well, those days are back, Withers is a fortress again…..the only difference now it is a redoubt for visiting teams. It’s been a while (November) since I’d wrapped up and went for a pint then on to Withdean. I’d almost got my mojo back for the place. Buoyed up with our recent great form and the fantasy football experience up at Villa Park last weekend, added to our impressive record against the perennially over-achieving Sarf Londoners, I thought we’d get a nice win today. Mug.

We have lost NINE games at home now, NINE. That’s relegation regulation, no getting around it. Something is badly awry at the run-down bombsite in BN1. The match itself was pretty average. I was just saying to anyone who would listen in Block H (even they were quiet in the frigid wind) how well Adam Virgo was playing yet again when he might as well have turned round and shot into his own goal, instead he did the next best thing – five minutes into the second half  he gave it to Steve Morison, who duly slotted it past a faultless Michel Kuipers.

That was all Millwall needed, and their noisily impressive away following knew it as much as us. Their defence was solid all game. Forster and Murray each had pretty anonymous games up front, Forster giving way later to the equally anonymous, yet much heralded, Chris Holroyd, although the new boy did have a good chance which, on par with the rest of the game, squeaked past the ‘wall upright. Our best players were – Elphick, who nearly scored with a bullet header from a corner; Painter, who made way for Holroyd as Poyet went with the all-out attack option again; Calderon, most people’s man of the match, but not mine, the guy is flair, and 100% commited, but there is a little self-destruct tendency in him, he will miss games this season for picking up cards, trust me. But I love a hard-tackling full back who likes to take it to the oppo the way he does for us, he just needs to cool it a bit.

My man of the match is going to Michel Kuipers. When we were inevitably caught on the break while pressuring Millwall late on, their striker Shaun Batt, who is as fast as any fucker I’ve seen in this league, was through one-on-one with the big Dutchman twice and he pulled off two world class saves to keep the score respectable. But overall, we lost a game which we shouldn’t have yet again, blame it on some voodoo curse over Fortress Withdean, it’s our comedy bouncy castle this year.

Orient away next Saturday, our away form might save us this year, but we are deep in a relegation battle, no question.

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 5 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Michel Kuipers

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers; Calderon, Virgo, Elphick, Painter (Holroyd 64); Bennett, Crofts, Navarro (Cox 46), Dicker; Murray, Forster (Dickinson 64).

(Subs): Brezovan, Hoyte, Tunnicliffe, Carole, Holroyd, Cox

Gus tries to rally the troops for one last attack as we head out of Withdean deep into injury time

League One table

Sunday, 31 January 2010 00:00 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full League One table
1	Norwich	29	34	63
2	Leeds United	27	29	60
3	Charlton	28	20	55
4	Colchester	27	13	49
5	Swindon	26	8	48
6	Millwall	28	11	46
7	Huddersfield	26	20	45
8	MK Dons	28	4	43
9	Bristol Rovers	26	-3	38
10	Brentford	27	-3	34
11	Southampton	27	15	33
12	Carlisle	26	-3	33
13	Walsall	25	1	32
14	Yeovil	28	-5	31
15	Southend	28	-7	31
16	Hartlepool	29	-10	31
17	Leyton Orient	27	-10	31
18	Exeter	29	-11	30
19	Gillingham	28	-7	29
20	Brighton	27	-13	28
21	Oldham	25	-10	26
22	Tranmere	27	-22	26
23	Wycombe	29	-22	23
24	Stockport	27	-29	16

Walsall 1 – 2 Albion

One-time pop-chart wrecker, now trainspotter and Walsall celebrity bellend fan Pete Waterman

At last! A football match! Heavy pitch at the Bescot – should make for an incident full game. First starts for new full-backs Calderon and Painter, no place even on the bench for Gavin Hoyte. I’ve missed the first 15 minutes due to work, Murray scored in the ninth minute. Commentary say it’s all one way traffic. Walsall equalise on 25 minutes, Kuipers got a hand to it but it flies in.

Corner by Bennett, Elphick flicks on, Forster overhead kick…………2-1! Fourteen for the auld fella this season now. Arsing about at the back again just before half-time, what are we doing? Painter misjudges a back pass, Elphick fouls, Keystone capers yet again, but we survive – just. One on one against Kuipers – just missed. Suicide football at the end of this half.

Martin O’Neill (irritating touchline monkey) is watching this one from the Bescot stands as Villa don’t play today. Like the boys say on Seagulls Player – let’s hope we don’t look too good in front of him. Second half. As expected – pressure’s on. Calderon playing well, sounds a good acquisition so far. Kuipers is having a pretty poor show, reluctant to leave his line and inviting Walsall to get in amongst it in our box. Not good.

Corner, shot by Forster, knocked over the bar.  Walsall going for it, need a change, tired legs. Kuipers flaps at another back pass – get Brezovan on FFS! Albion trying to quieten this game down, that’s it – keep ball. Calderon has been pretty damn good by the sounds of it today. Dickinson on for Fozzy on 75 minutes.

Last 15 Walsall coming at us, but  we hold for for a well earned win. Good effort from all the lads, especially Senor Calderon – my man of the match. Things are looking up at the club at last, next stop Villa Park. And this should be the start of The Hovian going to all (well most) of the games and filing his first person match reports, and not relying on Johnny Cantor etc (who do a good job BTW) from 4000 miles away. This is my last ever Saturday in Shitholestan folks, now that’s a result!

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance :  8 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Inigo Calderon

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers; Calderon, Elphick, Virgo, Painter; Bennett, Crofts, Navarro, Dicker; Forster (Dickinson 75), Murray

(Subs) Brezovan, McNulty, Carole, Tunnicliffe, Cox, Hart, Dickinson

League One table

Saturday, 16 January 2010 17:04 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full League One table
1	Leeds United	25	30	57
2	Norwich	26	31	54
3	Charlton	25	20	51
4	Colchester	24	13	45
5	Huddersfield	24	19	41
6	Swindon	23	4	41
7	MK Dons	25	5	39
8	Millwall	25	7	37
9	Bristol Rovers	23	-4	34
10	Brentford	25	-2	33
11	Walsall	23	2	31
12	Hartlepool	25	-6	30
13	Southampton	25	13	29
14	Southend	25	-5	29
15	Exeter	26	-9	29
16	Yeovil	24	-2	28
17	Carlisle	23	-4	28
18	Brighton	25	-12	27
19	Gillingham	25	-7	26
20	Oldham	23	-9	25
21	Leyton Orient	24	-13	24
22	Tranmere	23	-22	21
23	Wycombe	27	-23	19
24	Stockport	23	-26	14

Loans and groans

Albion’s only non-loan signing so far this January goes through his paces in the Sussex snow

Is it just me, or has Gus Poyet’s fishing so far in the January transfer window has been a bit, well, mediocre? Gavin Hoyte has been given an extension of his loan deal from Arsenal until the end of the season. Poyet has taken on Frenchman Seb Carole for his third stint in the stripes – but on a week to week basis, assumedly because if he’s shit (I think he might be) he can offload him straightaway.

Latterly Poyet has just acquired Marcos Painter on loan from Swansea City. Our only bona-fide permanent signing is Inigo Calderon, and he was out of work before Poyet offered him a contract. Maybe I’m being hyper-critical, but the gaffer is not exactly making a big bang for his bucks in the transfer market. I presume The Lizard has plenty left over for this sort of thing?

Our current squad are in serious danger of relegating the club for next season, because going on results and league position we are pretty shit. We need good players in. These new boys may be brilliant, they may be wank, they’ll probably be somewhere in between those two extremes – but I was expecting a bit more. It’s early doors, maybe Gus, who’s an intelligent football man, has more dealing to do.

I’m mostly looking forward to seeing Calderon play, and then Painter. Won’t be long now, I’m all set for Villa Park and our Cup Final next week. Saturday’s match at Walsall looks in serious doubt – the snow is still thick on the ground.

Ice ice baby

Albion ground staff assess the Withdean skiing surface prior to the (postponed) home game against Brentford

Had to happen. I’ve been watching the UK weather go more than a bit Pete Tong from an unseasonally warm – and curiously snowless – Kabul. The club called the Brentford game off today, and I don’t think many other games will kick off all over Britain this weekend. Well, I’m sure the gazillionaires in the Premiershit will be good to go, but who gives a fuck about them eh?

Some warmer news on the transfer front. Gus Poyet has signed unemployed Spanish defender Inigo Calderon (liking the name already). Inigo used to play for Deportivo Alavés (yeah I know, “fucking who?”). He’s apparently a right back, we’ve already got two of them, so I reckon either Gavin Hoyte or Andy Whing may be heading out of Withdean. We’ll see.

Just heard on Sky News that this current ice age is going to last for at least another TEN DAYS! It had better fuck off by the 22nd, I’m due in to Gatwick then. Then there’s the boring little trip up to Villa Park the day after. Get shovelling!!