Archive for July, 2009

Jake Wright is a Seagull

July 31, 2009

Great news. Although Crawley Town fans tell me he’s a natural centre back it looks like Wright will slot into cover Jim McNulty at left back. The new signing played for us at Torquay and was man of a very poor match for us.

Hearts were the SPL club interested in signing him, and offered a lot more money for Wright, but he seems to like life in Sussex. Good lad!

Russell Slade has made quite a few signings this summer, pre-season has been poor, but the buck stops next Saturday 8th August.

Torquay United 1 – 0 Albion

July 28, 2009
Looks like hes enjoying the match at least

Looks like he's enjoying the match at least

Torquay. I’ve never been, but whenever I hear that word “Torquay” I always think of one immortal (and fictional) denizen of the little seaside resort, Basil Fawlty. I’ve had a few ales tonight before listening to this game – my best buddy is leaving Afghanistan after 3 years and we gave him a BBQ send-off. But enough of that, the Albion are playing Torquay United in a pre-season friendly, what’s more important?

The new Seagulls World site isn’t working, I’m on the old one listening to the Torquay tannoy, what is going on? They are so amateurish. It’s gone – no commentary, just about got the starting 11. Fook me. Back on.

Starting 11 look like the strongest Slade could’ve put together. Jake Wright the Crawley player getting a run out at left back, still the problem position for us, very interesting, we’ll see. He’s made a steady start. Forster and Spiller look sharp too. On 15mins Virgo and Elphick in a muddle, Virgo clears, Jake Wright looking composed.

Torquay attack and Kuipers makes good save, is Dickinson on the pitch? All Torquay, Jesus! Kuipers saves us again. Lacklustre, pre-season bores. I should have stayed and got minging at the BBQ. Dicko gets a touch on 30 mins! Fooking hell 1-0 to Torquay, took us apart and a tap-in (40 mins). Forster shoots and misses. Woeful. H/T.

No changes at H/T mmm – are we looking at our starting 11 for Walsall August 8th? Crofts scores!!! No, offside? Not given. Shite. Slade has ripped each of them a new arsehole, obviously. Mark Wright shoots! saved! Different side so far this half. Even Dicko looks interested. Mass substitution on 60 mins. Craig Davies injured, trying to run it off.

El Abd on for Whing on 70 mins. Jake Wright now centre back and  still playing well, the non-league man is leading the way. Smith now makes a good save, both our keepers are on top of their game, they look like they need to be for this season. Albion running out of steam, weaker players on IMHO. Davies getting booked for gobbing off, hang on – HE’S BEEN SENT OFF. Torquay’s man sees yellow, eh? Pants. Could be a three game ban now.

Navarro flicks on, Tunnicliffe heads – saved! Forster has an ice-pack on his dodgy knee, not looking good. Dicko and Murray up front for Walsall? Torquay finishing strong, three back to back chances. Blow it up ref, Jesus!

It’s over, rotten game. Nighty night

Xenophon’s Albion Team Performance : 3 out of 10

Xenophon’s Albion Man of the Match : Jake Wright

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers (Smith 60) ; Whing (El Abd 70), Elphick (Chronis 60), Virgo (Tunnicliffe 75), J Wright ; M Wright (Navarro 60), Spiller (Thornhill 60), Crofts (Dicker 60), Cox (J Smith 75); Forster (Murray 60), Dickinson (Davies 60);

Get your pom-poms out for the lads

July 28, 2009

Gullys Girls

Auditions are taking place on Sunday 9th August in Burgess Hill for a new batch of the lovely Gully’s Girls. So, if you’re a fit bird over 16 (and presumably under 40), or you’re a bloke with a fit bird, get your (or her) pom-poms out and earn yourself a season’s worth of abuse in a wind and rain-soaked athletics stadium with no atmosphere save the moaning of up to 7000 Seagulls’ fans.


Frank the Flair

July 27, 2009

He played for the Seagulls for only one season in 1984-85, but Frank Worthington was arguably our greatest flair player of all time. I know he’s playing for Bolton here, but I never tire of watching this goal. The complete epitome of “flair”. God, how much would I like to have a player like that in the current squad? Genius.

Falmer Stadium on Google Earth #1

July 26, 2009
So secret even US military satellites cant see it

So secret even US military satellites can't see it

Where is it? Are Brighton & Hove Albion employing the North Koreans to hide the building site? Who from? Are they trying not to piss off  Lewes District Council and Falmer Village residents?

I’ll download a picture of the Falmer site every Sunday evening, just to see if there really is a new stadium going up there and it isn’t some perfidious hoax, forsooth!

p.s. I’m  a bit of a dick, as a poster on NSC has just referred me to the bottom of the google picture – it was taken on 15th April 2007. Nevermind, I’ll still post a pic each Sunday, only I’ll build my own stadium in microsoft paint, until they update the google satellite image . Problem solved. Here’s stage one:

The pitch is laid

The pitch is laid

If you think Albion are having a poor pre-season…

July 26, 2009
Fog on the Tyne

Fog on the Tyne

 ….then cop a look at this sorry lot. I dislike the Premier League intensely – full of overpaid pansies or drunken sociopaths, that’s why you won’t find much talk about it in this blog. But Newcastle are no longer Premier League, and they were playing League One Orient, so they are fair game to be slagged to fooking death on this site.

Well done the Orient, just don’t try to repeat it at Withdean this season, there’s good lads

Crawley Town 1 – 0 Albion

July 24, 2009

Creepy Crawley. There’s no other way to describe it, horrible place. But anyway, it’s not their fault and they just happen to be the next stop on the Albion’s pre-season meandering around the south-east of this green and pleasant land (until Scunny on the 1st August, ay up).

Anyway, the Argus reckons Nicky Forster will be back for tonight’s game – that would be nice, but only if he’s 100% fit, I would hate to see him injured yet again before Walsall at Withdean August 8th. I have Forster and Dickinson as my front two this year, or maybe Glenn Murray linking up with Nicky, but he’s first man on my Albion team list after Whingy, no question.

A full xenophon match commentary (4000 miles away from Crawley) on this very interweb site tonight, I’ll see both of you (my readers) later.

So, it’s now 11:15pm in Kabul and 7:45pm in Creepy Crawley. Game on. New face tonight is trialist Andreas Chronis, who AEK Athens want to loan out to an English club, after the departure of Joel Lynch he might be worth watching – Slade is certainly trying every option he can before this season starts.

The theme to The Long Good Friday blasts out over Crawley’s PA before the game, muppets. On five minutes Danny Spiller has a shot on goal, he looks a good signing so far, needs to keep injury-free. Matt Thornhill playing tonight too, on-loan from Notts Forest. Young Chronis looks sure and confident on the ball, he’s a bit of a midget by all accounts, he’ll do alright with Coxy then.

Cox crosses, Dicko heads straight at Crawley’s ‘keeper on 20 mins. Coxy attacks from the right, shoots! Great save. Cox everywhere, crosses for Elphick to miss again. At the other end Kuipers makes a double save, he’s the dogs bollocks at shot-stopping, still 0-0. Murray and Dicko playing well together, but our strikers need to start scoring goals in these warm-up games. We’ll see the main man Forster after H-T.

Second half, trying to get changes (fooking friendlies!). Forster & Dicko up front – my pick for this season, let’s see how they play together. Not much happening this half up to 55 mins. Virgo and Elphick pretty solid at the back. Dicko off for Daaavies on 60 mins, another ok performance, a goal would have been nice. El Abd and Wright on as well.

It’s dead this game. Centre backs changed on 69 mins, the first half defence the only plus point apart from Cox’s performance. Forster looking more dangerous with 20 mins left. Crawley attacking, Albion catching them on the break – who’s League One here? Crawley’s Sam Rents running us about a bit, we need to re-sign him.

Tunnicliffe’s monster, monster throw – one bounce, Forster’s on it, half volley – saved!!! Jesus, I want to see more of those this season. Straightaway Crawley score, Tunnicliffe dithers, Smith saves, Livermore can’t keep it out. Thank fook this is a friendly. Forster nips another one, over the bar, he’s fit alright. Daaavies balloons one, I just can’t see him doing the business for us this year, or any year. Wright volleys!! pushed round for a corner. That’s it, game over, it’s a friendly, nothing to see here, move along.

Final thought – Dickinson, Davies, Murray, Hart (out injured BTW) and yes, Forster, need to put these chances away. Can’t afford to fart about when the season proper begins.

Xenophon’s Albion Team Performance : 5 out of 10

Xenophon’s Albion Man of the Match : Dean Cox

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers (Smith 45); Whing (El Abd 60), Elphick (Hawkins 69), Virgo Tunnicliffe 69), Chronis (Livermore 45); Spiller (Crofts 45), Navarro (Dicker 45), Thornhill (J Smith 69), Cox (Wright 60); Murray (Forster 45), Dickinson (Da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-vies 60)

Mission Impossible: Buying match tickets online

July 23, 2009

I nearly had a coronary today over here in Kabul. I’ve been waiting all week to buy match tickets online for our first two home league games of the season. I’ve been logging in and out, you know kind of warming up for the big day when I can get my hands on tickets after a summer spent sweating my tits off at work with no football.

So, I log on just before 10am BST and the fooking logging in page has crashed! Typical, I asked the fans on NSC if they were having probs too, and stating the bloody obvious (not to me though) one tells me to ring the ticket hotline and tell them about my problems. I do, the seller tells me “We’re having problems”. No shit! Why today of all days???

Never fear, not wanting to run up a huge phone bill booking tickets by phone, I email my missus who works just off Queens Road in Brighton, and I offer her a pony to go and get me the tickets in her lunch break. She does, we’re sorted, and I still got the exact seats I wanted!!!!!!

South Stand, Block G, get it right up you Walsall and Stockport, bring it on!!!!

Look at my lovely Withdean tickets

Look at my lovely Withdean tickets

AFC Wimbledon 0 – 2 Albion

July 21, 2009

My favourite football photograph of all time. I loved the old Crazy Gang, ever since they won the 1988 FA Cup Final 1-0 against the then cocksure top-flight superstars Liverpool. They didn’t exactly outplay Liverpool as much as mug them with extreme violence, and underdog lovers everywhere lapped it up – a legend was born.

But, after relegation from the Premier League in 2000 the Dons imploded and out of the ashes rose AFC Wimbledon (MK Dons? who they?) – this is by far the most interesting of our pre-season friendlies, and one I defo would have gone to had I been at home in Hove. So, I have to make do with the Seagulls World radio commentary from the Beeb.

New trialist getting a run out tonight is Alan Navarro, a former MK Dons midfielder. No Michael Ricketts, looking ominous for him not being in blue & white stripes this season. It’s 11:15pm here (central Asia) as the match kicks off. I hope the game is worth staying up for.

McLeod hits one on 15mins, off da woodwork, Albion looking lively, especially in midfield with McLeod, Navarro and Spiller buzzing about. Adam El Abd putting himself about in characterisitic style at right back. It’s raining in Kingston too, I’ve the aircon on in bed, hoho. Tunnicliffe having a good outing at centre-back, that’s promising for the big yin, big throws into the box too – looking forward to him bombing those in over the season.

GOAL! Hart feeds McLeod on 30mins and POW!! in the onion bag. Stitch that you bastards!

Second half gets underway, trying to work out who’s on and who’s come off. Dicko on up front with Daaaaavies. Immediately Dicko has a pop at goal, looking very hungry. McLeod still on, he’s playing a blinder. McLeod floats one in, Daaavies connects with his head and misses (signs of things to come this season?). Dean Cox on for McLeod on 60mins, well played that man.

Dicko having a better night than his last game at Stevenage, he’s enjoying stretching those big legs. Daavies trying hard too, not as classy,  he needs a goal, they both do. Coxy and Wright both troubling the Dons defence, Daaavies can’t finish. Dons finally make a decent attack, appeals for hand ball off Virgo – piss offffff!!! AFC threaten again with 5 mins left, Dickinson clears his lines, having a good half the big guy. Dons miss a sitter, empty net, fook me! And another, what are Albion doing???

Other end, Dicko feeds Cox, keeper saves at his feet – good little game this. Cox takes a corner with minutes to go, falls to Virgo, he smashes it low into the goal – get in!!! Final whistle goes, good work out for the team. Night night.

Xenophon’s Albion Team Performance : 7 out of 10

Xenophon’s Albion Man of the Match : Kevin McLeod

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) G Smith (Kuipers 45); El Abd (Whing 45), Hawkins (Elphick 45), Tunnicliffe (Virgo 45), Livermore (Cook 60); Brinkhurst (Wright 50), Navarro (Crofts 45), Spiller (Dicker 45), Mcleod (Cox 60); Murray (Dickinson 45), Hart (Daaaaaavies 45)

Stevenage 2 – 1 Albion (and a bit of Stuart Hall)

July 18, 2009

I signed up for Seagulls World last night through PayPal. I can only attend about six home games a season due to the fact I work abroad on a 9 week on, 3 week off rotation. However, thanks to World, I can now listen to every Albion game live on internet radio, as well as see the highlights and goals after. Good value for a subscription price of $34.99 a year (or so it seemed last night).

My plan on this blog is to commentate on and rate each and every game this season, either ones I’ve watched in real time or through the internet live matches. That way I can build up my own (very personal) view of how our season pans out (we’re going up BTW, believe it). I fully expect my readers (the two of you) to slag off every opinion I give on each game, in fact I relish it, as I’m a masochistic twat.

Expect my style to be more of the Alan Green/Stuart Hall moonbat variety, rather than the Motty/Andy Gray school. I will be wrong 75% of the time but I don’t care, as long as it entertains you both (and your dog)

So, to get a bit of practice in I intended on listening  to the Albion match away to Stevenage on Seagulls World, but the website had this to say:

“Audio commentary is currently unavailable due to technical problems at the Lamex Stadium”

Pretty lamex fooking excuse if you ask me, money well spent so far eh? I hope this isn’t a flavour of what’s to come on Seagulls World. But, I’m a pernicious bastard, so I sought out match coverage on the BBC Home Counties Radio iPlayer, but the bastard thing wouldn’t work either! I got that twat Nihal on Radio 1, and also Radio 2, 3, 4 etc, but no Southern Counties.

As a last resort I was stuck with the text commentary on the club’s official site. But Lo! At half-time the World coverage came online!!! So, here’s how it all went, you bastards:

Surprisingly our biggest signing of the summer didn’t start the game, the much maligned Craig Daaaaaavies got the nod ahead of Liam Dickinson. Apart from that, the back four looked like the strongest Russell Slade could have fielded. In midfield ex-Millwall player Dan Spiller got a starting place too. Dan Harding must be certain not to be re-joining the Albion, as he hasn’t featured in any of the pre-season friendlies.

A goal from Gary Hart at half-time cheered me up on hearing about it when coverage re-started. Good old clubman Gary. Listening to the World commentator (Ben Fletcher?) at half-time, when there’s no link between him and the BBC, but he’s still live online:

Fletcher: “God, I’ve got a headache now, it’s this equipment, it’s crap”

“I’ve got a serious headache now, I’m very calm, but it’s a headache”

No shit Ben, is that where our TV licence money goes to? More:

“I’m really worried about this equipment, it’s a new season as well. The one he had on Tuesday night didn’t work at all”

A penalty for Stevenage just 10 minutes into the the second half as Mark Wright brings down a diving Stevenage player, Graeme Smith’s first job is to pick the ball out of the back of the onion bag. Soft, 1-1. Dickinson a ghost for the first part of the second half, Stevenage playing very well, disrupting this new Albion line-up.

Sloppy defending and Stevenage score a soft headed goal. Jesus wept! I’m not enjoying this commentating lark. Shot by Dickinson, saved…….yawn. I’m putting the kettle on, five minutes to go and the golf is looking good on the telly beside me. Come on Tom Watson!!! Whoops full-time. Shite. I’m off to watch the golf.

Xenophon’s Albion Team Performance : 4 out of 10

Xenophon’s Albion Man of the Match : Gary Hart

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers (G Smith 45); Whing (El Abd 45), Elphick (Virgo 45), Tunnicliffe (Hawkins 45), Lynch (Livermore 60) ; Wright (Brinkhurst 60), Dicker (Crofts 45), Spiller (J Smith 60), Cox (McLeod 60); Daaaavies (Dickinson 45), Hart (Murray 45)