WTF?

No seriously, WTF? The only sense I can make of this is that Nicky Forster must be on his way back.

On his way to The Posh - Bananaman AKA Liam Dickinson

Albion 0 – 0 Huddersfield

One-time gritty northern film actor, now "Shitty Manc Soap" star and Huddersfield FC celebrity bellend fan Reece Dinsdale

The Withdean jinx/hoodoo carries on. How else can you explain us not taking all three points last night? Well, the draw did lift us out of the drop zone for now, so it’s not all doom and gloom.

I decided to walk up to Withers from Furze Hill to get a bit of warm blood circulating around the old bones on a frigid night. It took me 40 minutes, and I was frozen again within ten minutes of parking my arse in the South Stand. Only 4710 other souls joined me at the Theatre of Trees.

Two things were confirmed emphatically for me during the match – Liam Dickinson can’t (or won’t) jump, and Michel Kuipers has two left feet. Poyet promised to change things after the defeat against Millwall, but he changed the wrong people in my humble opinion – Carole for Dicker and Dicko for Murray.

I’ll briefly mention each player’s performance, as nil-nillers aren’t the most interesting games to wax lyrical about. Kuipers – poor game by his standards, had very little to do but still managed to almost commit suicide by a dreadful clearance early doors. He was saved by the solid, confident defensive unit in front of him. Painter and Calderon were excellent, especially the Spaniard – so assured on the ball. Same for Elphick and Virgo, who thankfully kept the ball away from the eejit in goal by commanding the air and superbly timed tackling, the hoofing upfield was kept to a minimum too.

Seb Carole was hard-working but his shooting terrible, he faded badly in the second half and made way for Dicker, who was his normal brilliant self. Bennett fared far better on the other wing. Crofts was steady and bossed the middle, allowing little Alan Navarro to shine; he’s really finding form under Poyet and was my Man of the Match, just shading it over Calderon.

Chris Holroyd won his first full debut, with Nicky Forster commiting professional hara-kiri over his contract, and he was ok, but didn’t deserve man of the match. I was baffled on hearing that over the PA system as we huddled out of the ground after the game. Dickinson was poor last night, never jumped successfully once, for all his height he’s a goon in the air. Good balls that Glenn Murray would have used well were wasted on him. When Murray inevitably replaced him the change in fortune up front was immediate, but even he couldn’t finish Town off.

So, Huddersfield were there for the taking, but we just couldn’t deliver the killer punch. Good news and bad news on the transfer front, the Seagulls have signed Kazenga Lua Lua from Newcastle on a month’s loan, which could spell the end of Nicky Forster wearing the stripes. I really hope not

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 7 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Alan Navarro

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers; Calderon, Virgo, Elphick, Painter; Bennett, Crofts, Navarro, Carole (Dicker 71); Holroyd, Dickinson (Murray 65)

(Subs): Brezovan, Cox, Tunnicliffe, Dicker, Hoyte, Murray, Hart

Attendance : 4711 (163 Huddersfield)

League One table

Wednesday, 10 February 2010 00:00 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full League One table
1	Norwich	30	33	63
2	Leeds United	28	29	61
3	Charlton	30	20	57
4	Colchester	29	16	55
5	Swindon	28	10	52
6	Millwall	29	12	49
7	Huddersfield	28	20	47
8	MK Dons	29	6	46
9	Bristol Rovers	29	-9	39
10	Walsall	28	2	37
11	Brentford	28	1	37
12	Leyton Orient	29	-5	35
13	Southampton	28	15	34
14	Yeovil	29	-2	34
15	Carlisle	28	-4	34
16	Hartlepool	30	-10	32
17	Southend	29	-9	31
18	Exeter	30	-11	31
19	Brighton	29	-13	30
20	Oldham	27	-11	29
21	Gillingham	30	-12	29
22	Tranmere	29	-22	29
23	Wycombe	30	-25	23
24	Stockport	28	-31	16

Aston Villa 3 – 2 Albion

Hercules the Lion offers out the Albion shirts for proper a toe-to-toe

I’m writing this with a major hangover. What a day out! It had everything, trains, banter, booze, freezing January weather and not a bad little football game in the middle of it all. A cracking game in fact.

Me and the missus caught the 0919hrs out of Brighton, and it was already chock-full of Seagulls on their way to Villa. I got my first ale down me at 9:30am and never looked back. The Virgin train out of Euston was probably 80% full of Albion supporters, and more ale and banter was to be had, all good fun and good-natured.

Two cans of Heineken, two Smirnoff tonics and two ham sandwichs cost £18.10 in the buffet! But even that robbing bastard Branson’s prices couldn’t dampen our spirits. This was our big day, and we were well up for it.

Getting a swally in a pub near the ground and around Witton was impossible, the pub set aside for Albion supporters was already applying a one-in-one-out entry scheme when we arrived. There was a queue of about 100 waiting outside as we rocked up gagging for a pint. The off sales next door was emptying fast and the Asian shopkeeper was trying hard not to burst out singing and dancing.

After downing the last of our booze it was into the Doug Ellis Lower for the game. 8000 Albion balloons were released as the boys walked out beside a Villa team unrecognisable from the one that trots out against Man U and Arsenal, but watching the Albion come out on the big screen filled my heart with pride and the roar was deafening from both our section of the ground and the North Stand Upper. Villa fans were scratching their heads at this point – “Who are these headbangers who follow such a gash team?” more than a few Brummies around the ground were probably thinking. Fair play to them though – most of the ground was full, but for a tenner why not come along and watch their Premiershit big shots hammer the south coast minnows?

We played well, the Holte End didn’t start singing until they went 3-1 up. Tommy Elphick’s goal just before half-time had us in rapture – all I wanted from the day was one Albion goal to cheer, and I had just got it, but more was to come. At half-time I thought we were going to be good enough for a draw. The Villa Park refreshments are ok, but I especially recommend their curry and chips, fucking lovely. The home team scored on 48mins and that sinking feeling settled in my gut, we had had our big moment. When they opened us up like a can of beans and went 3-1 up their hitherto half-asleep fans started the Wembley singing, and I have to admit, when the Holte End opens up it makes some noise.

Just as the game was dying good old Nicky Forster scored his 15th goal this season, the ball was retreived and we went for them. Some Villa fans stopped their progress out of the ground to watch the dying moments as we pressured their goal – could we do it? The noise from both Albion sections was deafening, but it was not to be. Our best players in my opinion were: Adam Virgo – man of the match, he has regained some of the fire that was always in him, an immense display. Glenn Murray had an excellent game, as did the much maligned Alan Navarro. Michel Kuipers pulled out some incredible saves, and Tommy Elphick played out of his skin too.

On the train home I got shitfaced, and fell asleep on the living room floor when I got home! I think I’m still jet-lagged as my missus couldn’t wake me up. But it was worth it, every single minute of it. Thank you Gus and the team, a fantastic day. Nice one.

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance : 8 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Adam Virgo

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Kuipers; Calderon, Elphick, Virgo, McNulty; Bennett (Dickinson 64), Crofts, Navarro (Cox 73), Dicker (Carole 64); Murray, Forster

(Subs) Brezovan, Hoyte, Carole, Tunnicliffe, Cox, Hart, Dickinson

 

Loans and groans

Albion’s only non-loan signing so far this January goes through his paces in the Sussex snow

Is it just me, or has Gus Poyet’s fishing so far in the January transfer window has been a bit, well, mediocre? Gavin Hoyte has been given an extension of his loan deal from Arsenal until the end of the season. Poyet has taken on Frenchman Seb Carole for his third stint in the stripes – but on a week to week basis, assumedly because if he’s shit (I think he might be) he can offload him straightaway.

Latterly Poyet has just acquired Marcos Painter on loan from Swansea City. Our only bona-fide permanent signing is Inigo Calderon, and he was out of work before Poyet offered him a contract. Maybe I’m being hyper-critical, but the gaffer is not exactly making a big bang for his bucks in the transfer market. I presume The Lizard has plenty left over for this sort of thing?

Our current squad are in serious danger of relegating the club for next season, because going on results and league position we are pretty shit. We need good players in. These new boys may be brilliant, they may be wank, they’ll probably be somewhere in between those two extremes – but I was expecting a bit more. It’s early doors, maybe Gus, who’s an intelligent football man, has more dealing to do.

I’m mostly looking forward to seeing Calderon play, and then Painter. Won’t be long now, I’m all set for Villa Park and our Cup Final next week. Saturday’s match at Walsall looks in serious doubt – the snow is still thick on the ground.

Where will the Albion end up in May?

Third poll of the season folks. With the halfway point reached, and a nice little cup run to cheer us all up, it’s easy to take the eye off the ball – the Football League One ball.

So, roll up and poll up – will Gus sneak us into the play-offs? Will we climb to mid-table mediocrity? Perhaps we will scrabble for survival and stay up by the skin of our teeth like last season? Or are we free-falling into the fourth tier of English soccer? You decide.

Who’s on the Gus bus?

Who's missed the Albion transfer bus?

Happy New Year. It’s January transfer window time folks, so who’s on the bus, and who’s off it? So far we have Poyet offering a deal to Peter Brezovan, it’s up to him to prove his worth now. The jury’s still out after a topsy turvy start and a complete ‘mare of a goof at Wycombe, which a better team would have no doubt punished us severely for. Jake Wright has gone on loan to Oxford United, which is a bit  sad since he only just arrived at the club from Crawley, suffered an injury, then never recovered his starting place at left back – Poyet doesn’t favour him, so he’s off.

Adam Virgo stays, and is determined to fight for his place – lay off the fish suppers Virgs, work on your ball control and who knows? Poor old Graeme Smith, he’s off to Hibs on a free, no doubt to be remembered fondly amongst the illustrious, and ever-growing,  list of Albion signing disasters – I would mention his goals conceded versus appearances ratio, but I can’t count that high. Good luck Graeme, it was fun.

That’s all I’ve got so far, I’ll add any shock £500K signings if and when they come before the transfer window slams shut on the 2nd February.

p.s. I’m home again three weeks from today, a win tomorrow and I might be coming home to a BIG FA Cup away draw. Fingers crossed.

Feliz Navidad!

A very Happy Christmas to all my readers, I hope the festive season brings the three of you good tidings of great joy. I’m also hoping Señor Santa Claus and his Little Helper can deliver the goods against Orient at home, then away at Wycombe over the holidays. Six points will make it a memorable Christmas, anything less is bah humbug!!

Albion 0 – 2 Charlton

Gus Poyet has brought in a new keeper for a week long loan/trial period, although Michel Kuipers is available again, and boy will we need a good goalkeeping display tonight against Charlton. The teams are announced and after all that hype Graeme Smith will start in goal, oo-er. Every cloud has a silver lining though – Albion Legend Peter Ward is in the BBC Radio Sussex studio after the game for the phone-in.

El-Abd and one of theirs booked inside two minutes, is it going to be another Albion card frenzy tonight? Tunnicliffe hits the bar from a corner!!! Charlton clear. We’re playing the Addicks off the park so far. Elphick booked now for backchat. Fuck sake!!! Second effort on goal and Charlton score, 0-1. Next Charlton attack……2-0! We are officially fucking shit. Half-time, Saints are 1-0 up, we are right now two points adrift in the relegation zone.

Second half – Dicker booked on 54 mins. Jim McNulty is back! He comes on for El-Abd, come on Macca! Another little ray of light on a typically gloomy Withdean night. Dickinson comes on for a quiet Nicky Forster. Crofts puts the ball in the net – disallowed for a foul on the Addicks keeper. It’s not going to happen tonight folks. Double save from Smith, ironic cheers from the frozen Withdean crowd. Poyet throws Craig Davieees on for one last hurrah with three strikers. And that’s it, we got sweet F.A. off any of the Big Three in the end; Poyet and his sidekick Taricco have it all to do, and who would envy them in such a Sisyphean task?

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance :   3 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Behave!

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Smith; Hoyte, Tunnicliffe, Elphick, El-Abd (McNulty 55); Bennett, Dicker (Davieeees 85), Crofts, Navarro; Forster (Dickinson 60), Murray

Subs: Pelling, Whing, McNulty, Cox, Dickinson, Virgo, C.Davies

Albion 0 – 3 Leeds

The Big One. Like them or loathe them (personally I hate the arrogant Yorkshire twats) you have to admit they don’t come bigger than Leeds in this league. Forget our shock away triumph at Scumhampton last Sunday – this game, this is the final test of how good Gus Poyet is, and how much he has invigorated our hitherto shite team.

A draw will do for me, a win will be fantastic but I can’t see us inflicting a second defeat on Leeds this season. Poyet in charge is an extra edge to this fixture, but form suggests we will struggle this afternoon. I wish I was at home to watch it, but I’ll hopefully (I might be busier later today) listen in on Player, biting my fingers to the quick.

Quiet start, Forster gets a shot away on ten minutes, goes wide. Smith saves well from Kilkenny, flag was up though. Leeds pressuring us, we need to get hold of the ball and keep it boring. Leeds score, left foot shot, 1-0 to the whippet-worrying dole scum. Smith out of position? Leeds hit the post straightaway, keep it cool lads. Murray heads wide from a Cox cross. Beckford scores three minutes from the break, game over I think.

Second half, a lot better from the Albion; Dicker and Crofts putting a foot on the ball, a sneaky goal might stir it all up again…..COME ON!!!!! Albion nearly score! Cox feeds Murray and he puts it wide. Leeds have taken the foot off the pedal, can this game offer us up something yet? Double substitution on 70 minutes – Navarro for Cox and Hart for Whing, Bennett drops back to right back, how’s this going to work?

Aaaaaah, gonna miss the last 15 minutes, I’ve been called out on a job, maybe we’ll score three when I’m away?

Ah, we were stuffed 3-0 then, nevermind, Leeds aren’t even breaking sweat at this level. We, on the other hand, are hovering precariously again just above the League One trap door. Nighty night.

The Hovian’s Albion Team Performance :  5 out of 10

The Hovian’s Albion Man of the Match : Not sure about my Mom today

Albion Team (goalscorers in bold):

(4-4-2) Smith; Whing (Hart 70), Elphick, Tunnicliffe, El-Abd (C Davieees 80); Bennett, Crofts, Dicker, Cox (Navarro 70); Murray, Forster

Subs:  Pelling, Livermore, Virgo, C Davies, Navarro, Hart, McLeod

League One table

Saturday, 21 November 2009 17:07 UK

Position	Team	P	GD	PTS
Full League One table
1	Leeds United	16	24	39
2	Charlton	17	13	33
3	Huddersfield	17	20	30
4	Colchester	17	13	30
5	Norwich	17	10	29
6	MK Dons	17	0	29
7	Bristol Rovers	17	-1	28
8	Millwall	17	8	25
9	Swindon	16	0	25
10	Walsall	17	1	24
11	Southend	17	2	23
12	Hartlepool	17	1	23
13	Yeovil	17	-1	22
14	Oldham	17	-3	21
15	Exeter	17	-4	21
16	Brentford	17	-5	19
17	Leyton Orient	17	-11	19
18	Gillingham	17	-4	18
19	Carlisle	17	-5	17
20	Brighton	17	-10	17
21	Stockport	17	-15	14
22	Southampton	17	5	13
23	Wycombe	17	-14	11
24	Tranmere	17	-24	10

Albion 2 – 0 Wycombe

I won’t be at Withdean tonight to collect my free Hola Gus! T-shirt. I won’t even be listening in on radio or on Seagulls Player. Why not??? Well, this is my last night at home before I fly to Dubai tomorrow, then on to Afghanistan on Friday. The wife thought it would be better spent together, at home, and not be interrupted by the Albion’s first home game under the Great One. I have to agree (although if it was a league game she’d be sat in her new T-shirt in the rain at Withdean beside me!).

I predict Albion hammering Wycombe tonight, and I’ll probably have to pick up a Hola Gus! T-shirt at the club shop or on eBay. Bollocks.

I managed to keep an eye on the laptop and the BBC football updates, the other eye on the telly. A goal each for midfield maestros Crofts and Bennett, and what looked like a comfortable home win. I’ll speak again soon from Kabul, laters.